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Pregnant over 40! It’s possible!

I had no idea how difficult this journey would be when we decided we wanted to try for one more baby…at age 39. In my mind, none of the negative statistics had impacted our fertility journey before, so I just tuned out the noise. In some ways, I’m thankful for my innocence before secondary infertility, second trimester loss and more miscarriages. In other ways, I wish I could have prepared my heart for the unimaginable. But, now that we are here, let’s press on and talk about how it is possible to have a healthy baby and pregnancy at over forty. I’ve done it! Praise the Lord.

A little bit more about our fertility story and secondary infertility

We started TTC (trying to conceive) when our oldest four children were 6, 8, 10 and 12 years old. I was 39 and DH was 41. We were blessed to get pregnant right away. I can’t exactly remember how long we were trying. I just know that I was on a girls trip in April talking about TTC and how I had read about ways to sway for a girl or a boy. And we were trying for a girl. By early May, we were pregnant with a baby girl.

Bakri, 12. Maddux, 10. Leeland, 6. ElMomma 39 & expecting Mary-Linda

We gave very little thought to the idea that we were older or that we may struggle to conceive this time around. When we miscarried due to a fetal maternal hemorrhage at 18 weeks gestation, we were 40 and 42. The months flew by as we learned what had happened to our daughter. No, she didn’t have any chromosomal or genetic abnormalities due to our age. It wasn’t an “egg quality” issue and we knew that because we knew to ask for a KB test when I was in labor.

Any other scenario and surely my age, in particular, would have been blamed for the miscarriage in my second trimester. We were really fortunate to know what happened to her. Although, it’s heartbreaking that she had a condition that went undiagnosed by our midwives and that our midwives missed huge trouble markers on our blood work that should have sent me to a high risk doctor. It’s also comforting to know what happened to her. An unexplained miscarriage can be even more devastating, in my opinion.

Our success after 40

To recap: we have one healthy conception at 39. And, another healthy conception at 41. This one resulted in a live birth. (Baby Jimmie) As far as supplements, I started taking a prenatal with folate and not folic acid. I also took a baby aspirin throughout my cycle and continued until a couple of weeks before expected delivery. I increased my vitamin D, as well as magnesium.

Expecting Jimmie, age 41

In this article written by Tracy Slater, the focus is on Pregnancy over 45 and how it is very possible and has a higher success rate than many of us think. I, like many women trying to conceive over 45, have done a ton of research. In April, I ordered the book It Starts with the Egg: How the Science of Egg Quality Can Help You Get Pregnant Naturally, Prevent Miscarriage, and Improve Your Odds in IVF by Rebecca Fett. The title pretty much sums it up, but this book helped me realize the things I was doing that were helpful to my fertility and the things that I was doing that could be done better. Rebecca recommends supplements specific to your situation, whether you are trying naturally or trying via IUI Intrauterine Insemination or IVF In Vitro Fertilization. There are also different recommendations for where you are in your cycle. She also recommends starting most of the supplements three months prior to trying to conceive. This is because the dominant follicle that will mature to the egg that you will ovulate, is chosen three months prior.

In my research, I also discovered FAM: Fertility Activation Method by Heidi Brockmyre. FAM also focuses on ways to improve egg quality and quantity using Chinese medicine and acupressure treatments. This has been amazing. I follow the calendar Heidi sets out and do the appropriate massages for where I am in my cycle. Click here to learn the basics about the FAM program. This program has changed my life. I do the self acupressure treatments twice a day, based on where I am in my cycle. I’ve seen a huge increase in my progesterone levels after ovulation. I’ve also seen my cycles regulate. These treatments are specifically targeted for egg quality and egg quantity and more. If you are interested in the FAM program, click here to watch testimonials, including mine.

I do believe that these lifestyle changes impacted my fertility in 2022 at age 45. After Jimmie, we began TTC again, but I did not have my cycle back for nearly a year and a half. We started FAM and after changing supplements recommended by It Starts with the Egg, we were pregnant within 3 months. On July 22, 2022, we found out we were pregnant at 44 (me) and 47 (him) years old! We were over the moon. Jimmie had just turned three two months earlier. We had blood work to confirm that HCG- the pregnancy hormone -was rising appropriately. Everything was good. Unfortunately, we miscarried at home at 8 weeks and 4 days on August 29, 2022. I had a routine ultrasound the week prior that confirmed there was no growth after six weeks and no heartbeat.

July 2022 Baby HCG progression

This experience was heartbreaking. We believed that our miracle was on his or her way. We believed that God would see us through this pregnancy. Of course, when it all fell apart, we wondered what went wrong? But, since we don’t have any clear answers with that, we decided to focus on what went right:

First, we got pregnant at our more advanced ages. That’s so amazing to me! We were just blown away that God created another El-Hakam baby after we had waited and prayed and tried for so long. Second, conception and implantation happened! We have no idea what happens after we do our part when TTC naturally. This time, we know that the egg made it down the Fallopian tube for conception and back up for implantation.

In October, we fell pregnant again. This time, I tested positive at 14 dpo (days past ovulation) and tested negative at 16 dpo. That’s also when AF (aunt flow aka menstrual cycle) began. This is often referred to as a chemical pregnancy. The embryo implants and HCG begins to rise and then something goes wrong. Likely the embryo had issues making them incompatible with life.

Again, I felt hopeful because we fell pregnant two cycles in a row. This was after two years of TTC with no success. Our lifestyle changes worked. I recently found this article written by a momma who just had her second child at 46! I was happily surprised to read about so many successful pregnancies and births by women in their forties. I do believe that our fertility outlook and chance of having a baby in our forties is not as bleak as the general medical community tells us.

Things I did to help improve my fertility over 40

1. Cutting out anything that is known for causing inflammation. There’s an exhausting list of things. And, we can’t cut every single one of them from our diets. However, even doing better, is helpful, in my experience. I am gluten free, so I already do not consume any gluten or wheat products. I’ve also cut out caffeine, drinking only the best decaf coffee from Cafe Du Monde in New Orleans. Reduced processed sugar, and increased fruit. These changes have also helped me feel a lot better.

2. Doing my best to remove items that are known to be unhealthy and can harm fertility. For me this means cutting out plastics, not drinking from plastic water bottles, not eating microwaved food, drinking filtered water and being mindful of the products we use in our home. I changed cleaning products, detergents, shampoos, soaps, and more to do my best to remove products that have known toxins.

3. Drinking drinks warm or at room temperature and avoiding ice cold beverages and cold treats. Apparently, these can be quite shocking to the uterus. We want to keep the womb warm and inviting, so avoiding ice cold drinks is critical.

4. Diet and supplements. I love the Mediterranean diet. I eat eggs in the morning and enjoy salad (not super cold) with lots of berries and leafy greens. I eat lots of nuts, hummus, lebne, fruit, fish, lamb and beef once a week. I also cut out soda. I’ve never been a huge soda drinker and already refuse to drink diet drinks (aspartame is terrible for our bodies and fertility). However, I would allow myself a maximum of one Coke a day- usually on ice. I love the bubbles in Coke. However, it’s probably not the best for fertility, so I gave up Coke. It was difficult for about three days, and then I was fine. There’s a lot of information out there about which supplements to take and when to take them. I take a prenatal with folate, vitamin D, magnesium and vitamin C. There are other recommendations depending on if you are doing IVF, IUI or a natural cycle. I have another post that will go into specifics and brands I use. Bird & Be goes into more detail here.

5. FAM: Fertility Activation Method. This has truly changed my fertility life. I did not get pregnant for two years and then conceived at 44 and 45 years old. I continue to focus on the acupressure massages at least two times a day. If you are interested, please follow the links above or click here.

To conclude, I’ve found great comfort and peace in being able to make life changes that can positively impact my fertility. I know it’s not as hopeless as some say, because my experience tells me otherwise. If you really want to carry a child, don’t give up. Pray. Ask God for guidance. I do believe that we can trust the Lord AND be proactive in our healthcare and fertility journeys. In fact, I think for many of us struggling with infertility, it’s essential that we take an active role in knowing our bodies and fertility challenges.

The Fab Five, August 2022

Wishing those of you who are in this journey all the baby dust. Please reach out, share our story and comment. We would love to support you in your fertility.

Xoxo,

Rebekah, ElMomma

EXCITING UPDATE! My Best Parenting and Marriage Strategies

On Thursday and Friday, January 19th and 20th I will be sharing my very best strategies.

Want to join me live?

You have probably heard by now, but I am very honored to be one of 11 experts sharing their very best strategies at the Ultimate Parenting & Marriage Virtual Summit.

If that isn’t reason enough for you to attend this amazing two day summit focused 100% on Parenting & Marriage, here are just a few of the other educational sessions you will be part of:

  • How to have healthy relationships with your partner, children and yourself.
  • Setting Healthy Expectations in Marriage & Parenting
  • Mindful Parenting
  • Resolving Family Conflict
  • Ways to Harmonize Your Marriage
  • Parenting Complex Kids (With ADHD, and beyond).
  • Managing Stress

And more…

Join us….

Dates: Thursday and Friday, January 19th and 20th, 2023

Time: 10AM EST / 7AM PST – 2PM EST / 11AM PST

Location: Zoom
Details: https://bit.ly/rebekahwhinysummit2

Momma and her baby
El Momma and Baby Jimmie

Grab your ticket now! 

https://bit.ly/rebekahwhinysummit2


Details: https://bit.ly/rebekahwhinysummit2

https://bit.ly/rebekahwhinysummit2

Easy Gluten Free Monkey Bread

When looking for simple and delicious recipes to make around the holidays, I found lots of recipes for Monkey Bread.

I’ve never actually made Monkey Bread before and I don’t know why!? It is so good. I’ve been gluten free for over 9 years. This reminds me of how I remember cinnamon rolls before cutting out gluten. I like to try to find ways to substitute and make recipes gluten free when possible. I decided to use premade pizza dough in place of canned biscuit dough. And it worked out perfectly. This recipe is so popular and now it’s gluten free! This is a family favorite that’s perfect for New Years Day Breakfast, or really any Breakfast or Brunch.

Ingredients:

2 14 oz bags of Wholly Gluten Free Pizza Dough or make your own GF dough

1/2 cup sugar

1 tablespoon cinnamon

1 cup melted butter

1 cup brown sugar

Glaze: 2 tablespoons melted butter, 1 tablespoon vanilla, 2

cups powdered sugar, splash of milk

Directions:

1. Cut pizza dough into 1/4 pieces

2. Mix together sugar and cinnamon. Toss into bag with the dough pieces and shake until evenly coated.

3. Pour into a spray baking pan.

4. Mix together melted butter and brown sugar. Pour over dough.

5. Bake at 350 degrees for 40-45 minutes.

6. While baking, whisk together glaze ingredients.

7. Flip over pan, let cool before drizzling on icing.

5 Ingredient Easy Bacon Egg Cheese Casserole

If you are searching for a delicious breakfast casserole that is easy to make and everyone will love, look no further! This Easy Bacon Egg and Cheese casserole is so delicious that we made it and ate it all -two days in a row over the holiday break.

This is now going to go in my weekend brunch rotation. I really love including the tater tots, but you can sub hash browns if you wish.

If you prefer to make ahead, you can make this the night before. Otherwise, it only takes about 15 minutes of prep work the day of.

Let’s Brunch !

Easy Holiday Bacon Egg and Cheese Casserole

5 Ingredients

6 slices of bacon

1 diced onion

18 eggs

2 cups of tater tots (frozen)

1 cup shredded cheese

How to make Easy Holiday Bacon Egg and Cheese Casserole:

Cook bacon in skillet or microwave (depending on preference.) Reserve grease for the onions.

Once bacon is cooled, crumble into small pieces using a ziploc bag.

Sauté onion in bacon oil (using same pan) or butter until translucent

In a large bowl combine (stirred) eggs, tater tots, and cheese. Add in crumbled bacon and onions.

Pour mixture into greased baking pans. I used two.

Bake at 350 F (177 C) for 35-45 minutes or until cooked thoroughly.

You can make it the night before. Be sure to cover before placing in the fridge. However, I prefer to make this quickly in the morning. It’s quite simple and the smell of bacon cooking is always a smell that gets my kids out of bed!

Top your Easy Holiday Bacon Egg and Cheese Casserole with salsa or hot sauce. It’s delicious!

Cream Cheese Snowman

This appetizer is perfect for holiday “get togethers,” parties, or to whip up for unexpected guests! I found this recipe on Instagram and instantly saved it to make it this Winter. I finally got around to it on Christmas Day and it turned out so cute!

Video Recipe on Instagram

Video Recipe

Heads up, don’t eat the whole peppercorns. Those are for decoration. My husband learned this the hard way as he asked me “what is the really hard thing in this?” Lol

The recipe called for Saran Wrap when placing in the fridge, but we used ziploc bags instead and they worked great. Other than that, this was the easiest dish I made all break. It was also the cutest dish!

Reflecting on the last Year and Planning ahead.

At ELMOMMA.com, we wanted to take a moment to reflect on this past year. First, we would like to thank you for being here. You being here means a lot to us and helps us support our growing family. Since founding ELMOMMA.com in 2008, we have all grown and changed so much. We had 27,000 views on the blog this month, with this post topping them all. We shared a video of Jimmie watching Momma dance that topped 100k views on Instagram. We published beautiful gift guides focused on our brand and viewers.

Personally, we have experienced a lot of change this year. In July, Rebekah went back to work full-time after not working full-time outside of the home for nearly 4 years. In July, we also learned that we were expecting what we believed to be our last Baby El. All of the Els were over the moon excited about the baby. Sadly, we miscarried at home at 8 weeks and 4 days on August 29 after finding the baby had no heartbeat the week prior.

Rebekah’s new job has been a wonderful blessing. She is now employed at the largest Episcopal Church in North America, where she plans the contemporary worship services each week. She even gets to lead worship and sing with one of her favorite CCM artists from growing up-Wayne Watson. If you know, you know this is pretty awesome.

Bakri is 17 and applying to attend Universities majoring in Music Composition. The pandemic opened up a creative side of Bakri. He is an incredibly talented composer. We still can’t believe that college is right around the corner. He is planning to minor in piano performance.

Maddux will turn 16 this week. He has his drivers permit and will be ready for his official license in two months. We are very excited for this development. Bakri attends school downtown and hasn’t shown interest in learning to drive just yet. We are looking forward to Maddux driving the other Els around safely!

Trinity is also busy applying for schools-HIGH SCHOOLS! We don’t know how this is going to work out, so we are casting the net nice and wide and looking for the right fit. She hopes to study theatre in high school and all of the schools we are considering have top theatre programs.

Leeland is in 7th grade and seems to be really coming into his own. He has participated in football and cross country this year. He plans to tryout for the middle school baseball team after the winter break. He’s also joining a new select baseball team.

Jimmie went to preschool for the first time this November. Check out our post about the first week here. He is loving school. We are very proud of how well he has transitioned. He’s singing songs he is learning at school and he’s already made so many friends.

Moustapha and me are doing well. It’s definitely a stressful time with all of the changes. I will have some time off at the end of this year and the beginning of the new year, so I’m starting to dream and plan that. Would love your suggestions on where we should travel to. We will most likely drive, because there are 7 of us and plane trips are expensive and we need a vehicle most places we would travel to. We like the idea of taking the Els to the mountains, but neither of us have been skiing with kids, so we don’t really know what to expect or how to manage that.

As we close this update post, let me remind you of a few important philosophies we hold tight to. Take the vacation. Dream the dream. Follow your heart. Be in the photo. Life is too short to stop now. Just keep going.

Parents: Easy Mom Hack for your Elf on the Shelf, Link to order in post

Here’s the link to The Ultimate 2022 Christmas Elf Kit! Save this. And read on for more info. I found Jaime, the founder of Crafty Holiday Helper, on Instagram prior to last Christmas season. Jaime creates holiday kits to help those of us who want the cute but don’t have the time. I ordered the 2021 Christmas Elf Kit and I was hooked!

Unboxing the 2022 Ultimate Christmas Elf Kit by CraftyHolidayHelper

Be advised that the Elf is not included in the kit. Our elf arrived around 10 years ago and our oldest named him Alvin. I think we started with Elvin, but he’s now just Alvin. Admittedly, I was never very good at this. I would forget to move him and never had much time to come up with cute scenarios to put him in. Eventually our big Els outgrew this practice and I was honestly relieved.

Now that we have a 3 year old, I wanted to give it another go, but this time with help! The 2022 Christmas Elf Kit is very organized. There is an introduction letter for a returning elf and one for a new elf. It also includes a goodbye letter to be used just before Christmas.

Every week has a card with all of the scenes for the week pictured on it. And everything you need each week is in its own bag!

Click here for the 2022 Christmas Elf Kit!

Just a note: The Elf Door is sold separately. You can add it on once you’ve put the Elf Kit in your cart. I think it’s a really cute idea to have the door so your elf can have a way to travel back and forth between your house and the North Pole each night. 😍

When visiting the site here, you can get up to 25% off if you enter your email address!

Our Rainbow Baby Goes to School

There are a million reasons why our fifth living child wasn’t in school already. He’s three years old. When the pandemic hit, he was attending a program where I was working at the time. He was in the baby class and doing quite well. At 9 months old, we all went home and Jimmie stayed home from that point on.

Fast forward to the Summer of 2022. All the Els are busy and out of school for the summer. Jimmie is enjoying the stay-at-home life with his siblings coming and going. Suddenly, and without much warning, Momma starts working full time outside of the home.

Jimmie did well during the remaining days of summer. He loved having his siblings take care of him and enjoyed all of the attention. By the end of the summer, we still didn’t have a school solidified for him.