The Journey

When we started out on this grief journey, it was unexpected, as grief and pain often are. We were, in many ways, unprepared. You know how people say “I can’t imagine” what you are going through? What they mean is they don’t have any life experiences that relate directly to what you are going through. Because, of course we can imagine. We don’t want to imagine.

But, today I want to focus on how we unknowingly prepared for this and what I believe we did that has helped us as we process and heal.

Number 1- we prayed and planned for our baby girl. We heard God very clearly and we knew it was the right decision for our family to try for one more baby. We continued to pray and seek the Lord throughout our pregnancy and loss.

In Matthew 6:33-34 the Bible says “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

We also cling to the scriptures and knowledge that God is near to us. Psalm 34 says the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

We believe.

Gender reveal for our daughter, Mary-Linda

Number 2- we celebrated every milestone. We had never done a gender reveal for our older babies, but wanted to do a gender reveal this time for our four older kids. It was absolutely the right decision for our family. The moment we learned, as a family that our baby was a girl will be a memory we all can take with us always. We don’t have a lot of memories with Mary-Linda, so this one stands out as one of the most joyful moments of our time together as a family.

Number 3- we created memories. Did we know that our time with her was going to be short? No. We had no idea. But, we enjoyed the time when we were expecting her. We went on vacation, celebrated birthdays, spent time with family and friends and soaked up those precious moments.

Staycation at The Houstonian Hotel

Grief is not easy, nor is there a formula to move through it. My advice for you whether you are grieving or not, is to live your life to the fullest. Love on your family and friends a little extra. We can all use a little more love.

“You will rarely regret celebrating life too much, but will likely regret celebrating life too little.”

What a day. What a month. What a year!

It’s only February of 2021 and it’s already been a doozy.

But, who can keep track at this point? In the latest crazy events, we got snow, sleet, ice and deep freeze temps across Texas that lasted for a few days. That, in and of itself was unusual as it occurred across ALL of TEXAS. It was very cold here on Monday, February 15 and while we were experiencing record breaking low temps across Texas approximately 60percent of us were without power. No electricity. No heat. A lot of our friends and family were without power the entire first day. We lost power in the evening around 5pm and were powerless for the following 39 hours. Around 7pm that first night, we also lost water. Not water pressure, but more like someone turned off the water for our entire block and much of the city at the same time. Yesterday morning, power was restored for 6 hours and then off again for 8.

So, here’s a few things we did and what we are continuing to do to try to weather this very strange time and storm. Please comment with somethings that you forgot or that you did that helped you weather this storm!

No water. No heat. No electricity. No problem.

  • Check and replace batteries. Charge everything while you can. Use your laptop or car to charge your cell phone. (Don’t run your vehicle inside your garage for risk of carbon monoxide poisoning)
  • Keep bottled water, beverages and snacks handy
  • Love coffee? Have coffee grounds set aside, if you don’t have a hand-grinder. Make French press coffee. It’s better anyway!
  • Have physical copies of your favorite inspirational books to read. My current faves: the Bible, Scripture and the Skeptic by Eric Huffman and Night Night, Little One by Stacey Donovan. When the internet is down, what will you consume?
  • Play family games that you create yourself!
    • We play a game where everyone thinks of 3-5 celebrities, historic figures or famous characters and writes them down on small pieces of paper
    • we split into two teams. Momma and Dad are team captains and we rotate Els on our teams
    • Each team gets one minute to try to get their teammates to guess as many celebrities as possible
    • Round 1: you can say anything (except for the name) and make any motions
    • Round 2: you can say one word and make any motions
    • Round 3: you can’t make any sounds. You can make any motions
    • Remember momma keeps score in her head and it’s always a tie
  • Finally, blankets and cuddles are required to keep warm and cozy

Hope you are all safe and able to get any damage repaired soon. We had one pipe burst in our garage and are working to have that repaired now, so we can take showers! Cleaning with baby wipes is just not acceptable for 3 days straight! Also, I won’t even begin to share about how bonded we are as a family, because of our new knowledge of everyone’s bathroom schedule and potty habits. The things you learn and go through when you don’t have running water!

Cuddles with baby Jimmie, 20 months old
Enjoying day one, before the electricity and water were no more

How I imagine You

El Momma, big Sis Trinity and baby Mary-Linda

It’s always been hard for me to imagine how my babies will look and who they will look like, when I am pregnant. It was the same when we were expecting our second daughter in the summer of 2017. I knew she would look like an El. But, would her eyes be hazel like mine and Bakri’s? Would her hair be curly like Maddux and Leeland? Would she have olive skin like Trinity and Leeland? Or would her eyes be blue and her hair be blonde like Maddux?

When she died at 18 weeks gestation, I held her tiny little body in my arms. I remember that day so vividly. I never ever wanted to let her go and yet, I knew that her little body would not keep. And, I could not hold her like this forever. As the days passed, I would imagine her. I would have day dreams of her in heaven. I could see her. I could touch her. She wasn’t a baby at all. In my mind she was a little girl. She was three.

She was the age she would be now, had she not had an undetected fetal maternal when I was 4.5 months pregnant with her. She would have a sweet nature, because, well the Els all have sweet natures as babies. 💗 She would have had a distinct way of speaking. They all do. Each one had their own special way. She is so loved. I wish I knew more of her. But, I know there is someday. And, we are one day closer to that day.

Mary-Linda’s expected due date in 2018

Just Keep going

I missed blogging.

I missed writing about the random everyday things of being a mom, a wife, a singer, a songwriter, a woman, a human, etc.
So, I gave myself a challenge.
Post something (anything) every single day for a whole month. 
Sometimes I post something I’ve been thinking about sharing for a long time. Like, the email etiquette post.
Other times, it really is something that happens during the day that I just want to share with you.
So, last week in the middle of vbs craziness, I ran to Party City to have balloons (which I ordered on Amazon) inflated for Leeland’s birthday. 
While I was waiting in line, I saw one of my Mom’s bible study buddies. She’s more in the throes of motherhood than I am with at least one little one still in a stroller. That little encounter encouraged me to just keep going.
She told me she had referenced my blog earlier that week in a conversation with her husband. 
I cheered a little on the inside. And, I think I cheered a little on the outside too.
It’s encouraging to know that I’m not talking to myself all of the time.
No.
Sometimes, my random, everyday life might make impact yours and connect with you.
And, so I’ll keep going this July. 
I’ll do it for me and I’ll do it for us.
Thanks for reading!
Xoxo,
El Momma 
Date night with the DH last week 

Finding the sky

Today, the sun came out. And, we could see it. We could feel it. It warmed the day. It brightened our hearts and apparently it inspired a lot of drivers to get on the road and drive somewhere. So, traffic was a bit of a bear.
Luckily for me, I got to see the sun a lot. Unfortunately, I was in my car.

If you are familiar with Houston, then you will get a kick out of where my GPS traveled today:

start: Montrose
to: Bellaire
to: Montrose
to: Bellaire
to: Montrose
to: downtown
to: the Heights
to: Bellaire
to: Montrose
to: Bellaire
to: River Oaks
to: Montrose

If it sounds depressing, it can be. But, I was struck with a thought as I took a walk on the River Oaks stop (a 3 minute walk, but a walk, no less).
I am blessed. So very blessed.
I have a vehicle that is safe and comfortable to drive my four children around in.
I have four children. They are getting great educations and have wonderful, enriching activities to participate in.
I am loved.
I love.
I am blessed.
Yep, I sometimes drive a lot in what seems like a constant circle. But, it’s so great to have a family to drive around, a wonderful job to get to, a husband that needs my help, and the sun shining down on me.

Blue sky and a winter tree 🙂

Delinquent Blogger…..again

Just when I think I am on a roll. Possibly posting everyday or maybe even three to four times a week, I let a month go by with nothing. Oops. I do have a million great excuses. Here are a few:

1. I have 3 children age 4 and under
2. I am NEVER alone
3. My computer and I have an on again- off again relationship
4. Because of #3, I’m unable to download pictures currently and I love to put pictures up on the blog
5. I have a job other than mommy, wife, homemaker, etc.
6. There are not enough hours in the day
7. I am learning to sew
8. My day starts early and by the time it ends, I can barely make it to the pillow before passing out!

So, there you have it. Just 8 of the million I could list. This is an attempt to get back on track with the blog. I know I don’t have many “followers”- there are six of you presently, however, I’ve always looked at this as a way for me to keep up with friends and also “remember when” from our lives. If I don’t write it, blog it, text it, facebook it, twitter it, etc. I’ll forget it! 

See you soon,

El Momma