Starting this with a trigger warning. This post will mention loss. So, click past it, if you do not want to read about miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss.
After we experienced an unexpected 2nd trimester loss, I wanted (so much) to learn from the experiences of others. Particularly, had anyone experienced a loss like mine? Had anyone gotten pregnant immediately after? Did it take a while? What interventions did they use, if any, when they got their BFP?
I’ve just uploaded a video to my YouTube channel which covers all of these questions and answers and so much more. Like, a lot more. I’m really just talking to you like you are my friend and I’m sharing all the details.
A couple of things to note:
When we conceived Baby Jimmie I was taking one baby aspirin a day and a prenatal vitamin with folate (not folic acid). I took 50mg of Clomid on cycle days 5-9 at bedtime. I had a blazing positive on an Ovulation Internet Cheapie test on Cycle day 14 and 15. Ovulated on day 15 according to my Basal Body Temp Click here for my thermometer on Amazon. and had a BFP at 9 DPO(days past ovulation). I also ate a few bites of pineapple core (CORE ONLY!!) on 2,3,4 & 5 DPO.
Please subscribe to my elmomma blog and YouTube channel and leave a comment. Do you need prayer? I would be honored to pray for you.
Rebekah Aka El Momma
PS I share never before seen photos from Jimmie’s labor and after birth in the Youtube video I just uploaded.
It’s always been hard for me to imagine how my babies will look and who they will look like, when I am pregnant. It was the same when we were expecting our second daughter in the summer of 2017. I knew she would look like an El. But, would her eyes be hazel like mine and Bakri’s? Would her hair be curly like Maddux and Leeland? Would she have olive skin like Trinity and Leeland? Or would her eyes be blue and her hair be blonde like Maddux?
When she died at 18 weeks gestation, I held her tiny little body in my arms. I remember that day so vividly. I never ever wanted to let her go and yet, I knew that her little body would not keep. And, I could not hold her like this forever. As the days passed, I would imagine her. I would have day dreams of her in heaven. I could see her. I could touch her. She wasn’t a baby at all. In my mind she was a little girl. She was three.
She was the age she would be now, had she not had an undetected fetal maternal when I was 4.5 months pregnant with her. She would have a sweet nature, because, well the Els all have sweet natures as babies. 💗 She would have had a distinct way of speaking. They all do. Each one had their own special way. She is so loved. I wish I knew more of her. But, I know there is someday. And, we are one day closer to that day.
I posted these reminders in 2017, after our daughter died of a fetal maternal hemorrhage at 18 weeks gestation. Now, in 2020, there are so many grieving across our nation. They are grieving the loss of their livelihoods, their jobs, a family member, a loved one, the loss of so many experiences over the last 9 months, and many who will not be able to be with their families this Holiday season.
So, for all of those in our lives who may be grieving this Holiday season, a few kind reminders:
1. Lower your expectations.Your grieving family member might not be able to do things they “normally” do at the holidays. (Baking, cooking, gathering around the kitchen just to visit, or showing up etc.) Whatever they are able to do, should be okay. Let that be okay.
2. Be willing to change or alter traditions.In our family we usually take turns around the dinner table saying what we are thankful for. For someone who is grieving a loss, this can be especially difficult. We altered this tradition to have each family member have a spokesperson to “highlight” things the family was thankful for. This should also be mentioned in advance, so people are not caught off guard and can prepare.
3. Try to listen without offering a solution.It’s hard to see our loved ones sad. But, sometimes it can’t be helped and it is part of the grieving process. It’s better to just be there and say “I love you” and “I hurt for you” than to say the wrong thing.
Psalm 118 says “Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;for his steadfast love endures forever!” I wrote and recorded this little tune of Thanksgiving, based on Psalm 118, a few years ago. Still giving thanks!