challenges Archives

Yesterday was a big day for us. Our oldest child is on the spectrum. The Autism Spectrum. He’s somewhat reserved most of the time, quiet, emotional and very sweet. He changed schools at the start of this year so we could have 3 children at one school and so that I could help him more and be more invested in the school. Changing schools in 3rd grade would be challenging for most kids and for our child, it is especially challenging. He doesn’t seem to cause many problems in social settings. He is just an easy target at times. If another child makes fun of him, he may not notice. He processes things a little more slowly and carefully and therefore other children may perceive this as he’s not as smart as them or doesn’t know what is going on. It’s not true. But, these are real challenges that we face. And, we face them as a family.

He loves kickball. They play it at recess and he especially loves his chance to be team captain. So, earlier in the year, I had the idea to sponsor a 3rd grade kickball game. I proposed this idea to the committee working on donations for an upcoming school event and there was nothing like this booked at the time for 3rd grade. So, I began working the details out with the school. We set a date- after STARR testing which took place earlier this week and we coordinated with the Little League who uses the fields later in the day.
Everything was set. As the date approached, we even recruited a few more players. Settling at 14 total. Which is $280 for the school. Yay!

We planned snacks, drinks, chick-fil-A and ice cream. My dear husband even designed tshirts for the event. The design was printed in all navy blue. They turned out so great. We found a local Houston artist, Randy at Donkey Paw designs who did all the screen printing for us. He is amazing and the turnaround was super fast.

The challenge: there was some kind of miscommunication in planning another event- social- fundraiser for the same grade at the same time. I don’t know how it happened. We received our date confirmation on February 7. But, somehow, 2 events were scheduled on the same day and this other game was sponsored by teachers. One of which is a teacher of my son. So, the classmates, the ones that we really want our child to have better relationships with, to socialize with, to be true friends with, guess where they wanted to be? They wanted to be at the kickball game across the field with their teacher. It makes sense. Their teacher is fun and she actually plays kickball with them during recess. And, they know her and love her. Why would they want to go with a couple of awesome parents who they don’t really know? So, I’m upset. I donated a lot of time and money for the school and this double-scheduling error has been extremely upsetting.

My sweet boy just looked over my shoulder. I quickly scrolled down to show him the picture of him and his dad. He smiled and then he said. “I just don’t understand why they had another game with players that were supposed to be on our team. We need another kickball game.” I’m not sure what can be done about it now. It was unfortunate and unfair. But, it happened. Maybe we can help to make sure nothing like this happens to another family in the future. It certainly doesn’t leave you wanting to work so hard on an event to support the school. However, I won’t give up and I won’t give in. I’ll keep fighting to give my child and other children really great, enriching experiences, even with unexpected challenges.

We still had a great time. My husband was the umpire and coach and our first grader played the entire time. He loved it too!

Our five year old even joined in the fun. The kids looked so great playing in their “team” jerseys!

What matters most is the smile on his face. His dad and I are so proud of him. He loved the kickball game and calls it a “practice game for the next one.” I don’t know when the next one is, but I hope he’ll be there with a smile!

I don’t know which is worse: the fact that my child throws himself on the ground and spits at me because I refused to carry him in the sprinkling rain or the fact that I completely lost my patience with him when he did it?

Clearly, it’s my response. I am the adult here. Yes, my child seems to have issues adjusting to change at times. He doesn’t like getting wet in the rain or getting his feet dirty in the mud or fire alarms. These are just a few of the things that seem to really bother him. He’s only four. So, my fear is there is more to come. But, I digress. At the end of the day, I am the one that needs to change. I am the one that needs to have better responses, better interactions and better direction for him. He is just a little boy. But, as a parent I can learn better ways to deal with him and help him to be a better boy.

There is no manual that comes with parenting. We just have to figure it out. Thank God we have some tools and resources to make our jobs a little easier along the way. Have you read “The New Strong-Willed Child” by James Dobson? I haven’t. And, I’m not sure I will. I’ve heard some positive and some very negative things about his philosophy on raising children.

I also saw a book in the church library today with the title “Raising Your Spirited Child” by Kurcinka. Do you have any experiences with this book? I read a little in the library and liked what I saw. First, the term “spirited” which seems to conjure up better thoughts about your child than the term “strong-willed” or even “difficult.” And the brief descriptions I read about the “spirited child” seemed to perfectly describe mine. Here is what Mary Sheedy Kurcinka’s website says we can expect from her book.

Raising Your Spirited Child can help you:

plan for success with a simple, four-step program;
discover the power of positive, rather than negative, labels;
understand your child’s and your own temperamental traits;
cope with tantrums and blowups when they do occur;
develop strategies for handling mealtimes, bedtimes, holidays, school, and many other situations.

Do you have any suggestions for something else we should be focusing on or reading. I believe what God’s word says in psalm 139:14. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

I know my child is fearfully and wonderfully made. I praise God for his wonderful work in our son.

Tag: challenges

Working with a Spirited Child and trying to be a better mom